Dale Carnegie’s book, published in 1936, is famous - no question. It is one of the best-selling books of all time, even achieving great success in Nazi Germany, and is credited with kicking off the self-help genre.
“If you have ever wondered how confident acquaintances and colleagues manage to gain others’ friendship and approval, then the steps that form the course detailed in this book will show you the way to a new sense of assurance, positive thinking, and poise.”
This should be titled “How to Manipulate Conversations so Even the Biggest Assholes Will Like You”, because, in summary, Mr. Carnegie provides a bunch of tips on how to deal with the rudest people you meet and turn them into your lifelong friends. His tips are decent. They will work - though not on everyone. Many of them are methods you may use subconsciously already, such as repeating someone’s name in conversation, or lavishing praise upon someone to ensure they remember you kindly. One I use constantly is asking someone to do something, rather than telling. Saying “Would you mind signing this form for me?” vs. “Sign this form.” is second nature. Telling is rude and ineffective. Am I to assume that is not common sense for most other people?
This is essential reading for salespeople, I guess, but as a 21st century woman, I was less than impressed. The small digs about women’s intelligence was enough to put me off, but I stuck it through for the sake of my partner (and to learn which tools he uses on me).
The book bases itself on the premise that everyone is worth knowing. My partner and I fundamentally disagree on this. There is many a person I do not want to know or deal with in any function. He believes we can learn something from everyone. I believe all I can learn from some people is how much I dislike them. This may be a facet of my line of work, dealing with the so-called “worst” in society, but honestly I’ve met a few inmates I would rather hang out with than some of the people on the outside who have opened their mouths in my vicinity.
Long story short, if I’m not the absolute last person on the planet to have read it, I would suggest you look up his tips in short form. You’ll save at least an hour or two of your time and you can skip the enlightening questionnaire at the back for husbands and wives to evaluate their marriages, which includes, for wives, the gems “Do you vary the household menu so that he never quite knows what to expect when he sits down to the table?” and “Do you give your husband complete freedom in his business affairs, and do you refrain from criticizing his associates, his choice of a secretary, or the hours he keeps?” Thought-provoking, I know.
2 stars.
Happy reading,
Holly
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