My partner loves this book. He claims he doesn’t love it THAT much but after he read it, he quoted it to me religiously and worked it into nearly every conversation we had. He’s toned down a bit, but I think that’s only because the author didn’t answer his tweets (but did comment on my bookstagram post where I showed all the books I bought online*.) Our key difference, and a reason I think we work well together, is that he is a People Person™ and I am, decidedly, not. Sure, I can fake it, but I usually prefer being alone. Was I made that way, or did I develop a hard shell as I grew up to protect the vulnerable softie at heart? This is the type of question my partner likes to ask. I don’t mind, as long as he does it quietly. And away from me.
“Do you feel awkward at networking events? Do you wonder what your date really thinks of you? Do you wish you could decode people? You need to learn the science of people. As a human behavior hacker, Vanessa Van Edwards created a research lab to study the hidden forces that drive us. And she’s cracked the code. In Captivate, she shares shortcuts, systems, and secrets for taking charge of your interactions at work, at home, and in any social situation. These aren’t the people skills you learned in school. This is the first comprehensive, science backed, real life manual on how to captivate anyone—and a completely new approach to building connections. Just like knowing the formulas to use in a chemistry lab, or the right programming language to build an app, Captivate provides simple ways to solve people problems. You’ll learn, for example… · How to work a room: Every party, networking event, and social situation has a predictable map. Discover the sweet spot for making the most connections. · How to read faces: It’s easier than you think to speed-read facial expressions and use them to predict people’s emotions. · How to talk to anyone: Every conversation can be memorable—once you learn how certain words generate the pleasure hormone dopamine in listeners. When you understand the laws of human behavior, your influence, impact, and income will increase significantly. What’s more, you will improve your interpersonal intelligence, make a killer first impression, and build rapport quickly and authentically in any situation—negotiations, interviews, parties, and pitches. You’ll never interact the same way again.”
This book promises skills to create better interactions to get the things you want. It is a modern Dale Carnegie tale, full of anecdotes and strategies, but now with science! But, like its predecessor, it fails to give me a good reason to bother. There’s something to be said for connections and community and knowing how to make a good first impression - and I know I’ll have to do a fair bit of schmoozing to get to the place I want to be in life. That being said, if I follow the strategies set out in Carnegie’s book or this one, my interactions will not be genuine. People can smell a fake a mile away. I may have a shit sense of humour and sarcasm that gets me in trouble at work - but nobody will ever accuse me of being a fake. Nobody will ever say I tried to help them for personal gain. I do my best to answer “how are you?” with the truth, when warranted. Some people just don’t care and aren’t listening for the answer, but I digress. I spent a considerable amount of time in school pretending to be happy - and concealing a deep depression - and the only friends and connections that have stuck around are the ones with whom I was point blank honest. I cried in front of them, and I trusted them to see me.
Am I going to meet people and develop friendships by filling out a chart about how neurotic they are? Unlikely. I’m going to meet them because I made an Instagram account dedicated to books and attracted likeminded individuals. Will I use things in this book to strengthen our relationships? Probably, but not intentionally. I won’t be caught dead creating a chart to make someone like me. As my dad says: Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. I no longer feel the need to make people like me, be that a blessing or a curse.
I learned things about why I feel so unmotivated at work in the final chapter. Was it worth slogging through the rest? Not really. If you have a keen interest in psychology and unraveling the social cues most of us know inherently, this book is for you. The anecdotes are interesting, the writing has a casual flow, and if you want to “hack” your relationships with strangers and friends and co-workers, you could read worse. However. If you are not interested in talking to more people (aka you are me) and you would really rather melt into a wall than “spark” an interesting and surprising conversation with a complete stranger (AKA YOU ARE ME) then I wouldn’t recommend. The rules and challenges feel daunting and honestly in this time of COVID-19, I don’t want to be any closer to people than I have to be. I’ll leave that to my better half.
2 stars.
Happy reading,
Holly
*I bought them for cheap on bookoutlet.ca and I’m beginning to see why they are listed at 2-3 dollars each. I’ve read a couple and haven’t been impressed yet. On the other hand, books, and on the other other hand, I have found some of my favourites in the clearance bin: Thaw by Satya Robin is a notable one, and I found Cathy’s Book by Sean Stewart as a preteen and adored it too.
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